Monkey Turd

That Monkey Boy is killin' me. These are some of the highlights of my day.

During breakfast MB threw handfuls of egg and toast onto the just mopped floor.

I came out of my bedroom from putting some laundry away to find Angel Baby laying on the floor in the hallway by his car seat. "Huh, I swear I remember laying him on the couch, but yet here he is kicking and staring in the middle of the floor." MB had picked him up, carried him across the room and tried to put him in the car seat. When reprimanded (screamed at and shot at with flaming darts out of my eyes) for picking up the baby he said, "Bonk head!" and pointed to the handle of the car seat which was in the up position. "Did you bonk Baby's head on the car seat?" I asked. "Ya!" He proudly replied. Somehow through all this Angel Baby was A-okay and not crying.

Then we went to a store that shall not be named, and the little turd ran away from me in the parking lot. It was really hard not to beat him.

While in the store I am too embarrassed to name, he wouldn't sit in the cart. We fought, he screamed and cried, and I gave in, letting him walk. In the electronics department, Soccer was playing on all the big beautiful TVs. He bolted away from me shouting "Bay-ball, Bay-ball" (all sports are baseball).

When I caught him I yanked him up as roughly as I dared in public and shoved him into the cart. He screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed. For those of you who don't know what Monkey Boy looks like when he screams here is a picture.



It's not pretty. I think he could fit a Volleyball in his mouth.

We headed over to the fabric dept. where he continued his display of displeasure. I spied several women including the Fabric Cutter giving me, "Good hell, that kid is out of contol," and "Why can't that mom shut that brat up" and "She must be a horrid mother," looks. Mighty judgmental for shoppers of "The Store that Must not be Named" if you ask me.

Out at the car he ran away again so I pinned him with my leg against the back of the 4-runner while I loaded my purchases in the car.

He tormented Drama Queen all the way home.

Now he is napping and, thank the Lord, by the time we got home all that screaming had made him tired enough he went down without a fight.

I dread waking him up, but it must be done. I have to pick up Drama Queen from pre-school. I love being a stay-at-home mom! *hint of sarcasm*

Chronicles Chapter 2: Fav Fold and Anybody Want Diapers?

I *heart* flat fold diapers. Reasons: They wash so nice and easy. There aren't a bunch of layers to make sure and get all the pee out of. There aren't a bunch of layers to take 2 hours in the the dryer to dry.

The Gerber flat folds I bought were awful! They are so small they barely fit Angel Baby's little bottom. The fabric they are made out of is a step up from gauze. I tossed those in my scrap pile and made my own. It is simple, just a square of flannel hemmed.

If you can't make your own, I was thinking about making them for people. I need to find out the price of the fabric, so I don't know how much I would need to charge. If you are interested let me know and I will find out the details.


This is the fold I use for my flat fold cloth diapers. I think it is cool.


Step 1

Take the bottom left corner up to the top right corner.

Step 2

Take that same corner you just had and drag it over to the left top corner. It will look like this:


Step 3


Take the bottom corner up and join it with the rest on the top left.

At this point I pick it up, hanging on to all the corners, making sure all the layers stay even on the top and then I shake it so everything straightens out.

Step 4


Fold the top layer 2 times so it looks like this:


Bonus Step


I turn the edges in a little so there is a little less bulk between Angel Baby's wee thighs.

And Wahla!

Promises Made to be Boken

Dancing Queen and I had to have a little "heart 2 heart" last night after she got a "GO TO BED WITH NO STORIES!!!!" from her dad. Ahhh, parenting. I have so much respect for moms who have to go it alone. It would be hard to be Good Cop and Bad Cop at the same time.


So, back to the H2H. During this little moment she made a promise to listen. This is how well she is accomplishing that goal.

10 min after H2H - "Dancing Queen stop singing and go to sleep"

12 min after H2H - "DQ stop singing and go to sleep! Remember your promise?" DQ - "Oh sorry, I forgot.

13 min after H2H - Mom bursts into room, "STOP SINGING AND GO TO SLEEP!!!" Mom takes toy she has been singing to.

Next day- preparing to go out and of course we are late

Mom - Go get dressed.
Mom - Go get dressed.
Mom - GO GET DRESSED!!! Remember your promise?
DQ - Sorry I forgot.

Mom- Get your shoes on.
Mom - Get your shoes on.
Mom - GET YOUR SHOES ON NOW OR I WILL LEAVE YOU!!! (We all know we are not supposed to make empty threats, but I'd bet a million dollars everyone of you has done it!)

Mom - Get in the car.
Go around other side to put screaming Monkey Boy in.
Mom - Kate, get in the car and get in your seat.
Forgot something in the house.
Mom- You better be in that seat when I get back! Remember your promise.
DQ - Oh yeah! I almost forgot!
Come back.
DQ is in the driveway getting the paper.
Mom - "GETINTHECAR!!!GETINTHECAR!!!GETINTHECAR!!!GETINTHECAR!!

Neighbor moving in across the street wonders if he can back out after closing on the sale.

Question for the Ladies

So, if you don't want to read about "The Pill", IUD's and other female related topics you may not want to read this post. This one is for the Ladies.

I want some feedback from real people and not just various pamphlets put out by the drug companies to push their products. I am at the choose your birth control stage of postpartum.

I want the scoop on IUD's Hormone and non, nuva rings, or whatever BC you love.

Chronicles of one Cheap and Dirty Cloth Diapering Mom: Chapter 1

Many of you know of my recent foray into the world of cloth diapering. Well, I think I have finally found the method I plan to use, and am going to stick with it.

I am not cloth diapering because I am worried about the millions of diapers piling up in our landfills, or because I am "Go Green", or because I don't want chemical jelly weirdness on my kid's butt. I am cheap with a capital, bolded, italicized and red C. When I was pregnant, the reality of two kids in diapers hit me in the gut every time I went to Costco and shelled out $40 for about a month's worth of diapers. Soon it would be $80 a month to be pooped on and then thrown in the trash!

So, I started trying things out on the 2 year old Monkey Boy. (I hope someday he will turn into a real boy.) Here is the Low Down, or Down Low, or 411, or whatever kids are calling it these days.

Cheapest

Gerber Plastic Pants - 2 pack for $3.89 - You can get by with 6ish of these. As long as they didn't get "solids" on them, you can rinse them off and re-use. So you would use 2 a day and rotate them.

Flat Fold Diapers - I made mine (Tutorial to follow in another post someday) My mom found the diaper flannel at her local Cheap and Dirty Extravaganza, aka Wal-mart for about $2-3 / yard. I honestly think you could use any flannel or other absorbant fabric too. The Gerber flat folds I bought were crap!

Pros - It is cheap! The diapers dry fast and I think they get cleaner too because there aren't a bunch of layers.

Cons - Takes time to fold them and you either have to pull them out of the dryer right away or press them. They are hard to fold when they are all wrinkly. Getting them on the kid takes more time and skill because you have to pin or Snappi them. (I haven't tried Snappis)

Still Pretty Cheap

Fitted Diapers - I made these too. They take a little more time and are a little more costly because you have to have elastic and velcro, but you could make them out of anything, old T-shirts, old towels for the soaker. Here is one I made for Monkey Boy. I tried to make it more like training pants (Pull-Ups). I need to make adjustments, but it works pretty well.



You still have to have plastic pants over the top or some other kind of diaper cover.

Pros - no need to fold, more user friendly because they go on like a regular diaper.

Cons - take alot more time in the washer and dryer


Affordable-ish

Cool Diaper Covers -

I tried a Bumkins diaper cover ($12.75/ each) on the monkey. Kind of nice because it is made so you don't have to pin the diaper on the baby. Monkey boy hated it. I am not sure if it was because it was too small or the diaper kept shifting around.


Thirsties Duo Wrap - $12.25/ each I heard these are cool. I haven't tried them. The nice thing is they are adjustable and the nicer thing is that they come in 2 sizes because, honestly, there is no way you can make a one size diaper that will fit a new born and a 2 year old.

There are a bazillion other brands. Again you only need like 6ish of them because you can re-use them like the plastic pants. Still you are looking at more than $70 and you have to buy bigger ones as your baby grows.

For all those Trendy Go Greeners who can afford to save the environment, buy locallly grown organic, and drive Hybrids

All in Ones or for those of you down with the lingo, AIO's - Damn cool, but also damn price.

Bumgenius - $18/ each I did buy a 2 pack of these in the beginning. They are awesome. Soft, beautiful, they go on like a regular diaper. The outer layer is water proof and you insert a nice cooshy soaker in kind of a pocket. They claim to be one size, but Monkey Boy's big hinder didn't fit in them at all. They are working pretty well on Little One. He is probably in the 9 lb range.

Again there are alot of different brand options here. They are made with all sorts of organic, environment friendly renewable resources like Bamboo and stuff.

Pros - Convenient and cool. Good for dads who are skeptical of their crazy wives cloth diapering notions.

Cons - You can't re-use them so, you would have to have at least 2 days worth if you did laundry every day. At 18 bucks a piece, holy poop, that is a lot of money.

A Few Other Details

Liners - I haven't purchased these yet because Monkey Boy poops on a schedule. I have been using Disposables when I know a poop is coming, but now that I am going to switch completely over to cloth, I think it is well worth the few extra bucks.

Washing - I have read that you can keep your diapers in a pail with water and Borax to prevent stink. Also, throwing some Borax in with the laundry soap is supposed to remove pee smell. Going to try that as soon as I can get the courage to haul 2 monsters and an angel baby to the grocery store.

I have been using 2 wash cycles and an extra rinse at the end to wash diapers, but I think with flat folds only you could just wash once on the "Heavy Soil" cycle. I don't put any of the diaper covers in the dryer.

So there it is. Most of what I know about cloth diapering. I will post more information as I go. Also I will post some "How To's" on folding and sewing.

Have courage and tell your husbands to suck it up and deal!

Necessities

A mom of 3 must have copious amounts of Diet Coke and Ibuprofen in order to survive.

A really long handled paddle enabling me to beat a child misbehaving on the other side of the room would be helpful too.

New Rules of the Walker House

1. Don't touch the baby!

2. When Baby is sleeping, do not forcefully shove the binky in his mouth.

3. Do not hug, lay your head on or squeeze the baby.

4. Do not try and get a reaction by screaming at sleeping baby.

5. Do not kiss the baby while he is eating. Mom needs her space during feeding time.

6. Yes, Mom is glad you can say "eye" and that you know which body part it is, but please refrain from poking Baby in the eye.

7. Do not talk about his poop, his pee or ask questions about his "circle thing that he goes pee out of."

8. Do not laugh about the time Baby shot poop all over Mom.

9. Do not ask questions about the feeding process.

10. Do not point out that Mom's belly is still big or that it is really soft and squishy.

11. While Mom is feeding baby do not go in her bathroom and play in her make-up, pour yourself a glass of milk, play with sharp knives, or beat the hell out of each other.

12. Don't touch the baby!