I Believe. . .

. . . in Karma, the law of moral causation or in other words if you do doo-doo to other people, doo-doo will be done unto you. The reason why I put the majority of my extra weight on from the waist up is because I made fun of one of my Jr. High teachers for looking like a chicken, tiny legs, big bulbous belly. Karma does not just include doo-doo though. Generous people never go without. Kindness comes back too.

. . . Heavenly Father has a sense of humor when it comes to my life. Example #1, when I said, "It would be nice to move someplace warm." Example #2, when I said, "I cannot, CANNOT, have another baby right now." Example #3, have you met my son Monkey Boy? Talk about Karmic retribution. Example #4, I grew up in a farming town, got out, and vowed never to move back. If you know where I live now, you are snickering a bit to yourself.

. . . all crawling babies when left on their own for more than 1 split second will find an outlet and try to suck on it.

. . . dads are incapable of dressing their children in matching clothing, even if all the child's clothes are hung in the closet in matching outfits. My hubby now puts ridiculous clothes on the kids just to see my reaction.

. . . little boys are born with a "need" to pee on things and a repertoire of sound effects ranging from car engines, and gun fire to dinosaur roars.

. . . complainers get more of what they complain about. If you don't have enough money, if your job sucks, if you don't have any friends, complain about it, focus on it and you will be sure to get more of the same. Focus your energy on solving the problem rather than complaining about it. You will get better results and the people around you won't want to duct tape your mouth shut.

. . . Along the same lines, negativity breeds negativity. All it takes is one bad apple in the bushel, tired colloquialism, but true. One negative person begets another, begets a whole festering mess of unhappy nasty people. When poop happens do not pay it forward. Retaliation does not make it better. Also, beware of nasty people in righteous clothing. "Wherefore, by their fruits, ye shall know them."

. . . you should never "diet." Love your lard butt! Life is too short to give up Doritos, ice cream, butter, pizza, brownies. I'm not saying to live in unhealthy processed bliss, but rather try and eat your veggies, exercise, eat an entire bag of Doritos occasionally and love yourself. I don't want to pass on weight consciousness and self loathing to my daughter.