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Saturday, April 10, 2010

Edible Foodlike Substances and Other Updates



Be forewarned, this post is lengthy and not entertaining.

Holy Crap, I have been busy. Not in the fun, too many social gathering or cool stuff kind of way. In the stuck at home, bribing Monkey Boy to pee in the toilet and not in his pants, hosing mud out of the kiddies ears, cooking dinner (okay, ordering pizza), doing dishes, busting up the never-ending drama fest between Drama Queen and Monkey Boy, and all the while having a baby attached to my boob kinda busy.

The hubby is finally done with Baseball Spring Training so I get to see him more than just the hour between when he comes home and when he slips into unconsciousness on the couch. I guess there was the 5 or so minutes it took me to wake him up and get him to move off the couch and into the bed. Now he gets home at 3:30ish and he even has days off. Wa & Hoo!

Okay, enough explanations and excuses. This is the real reason I am writing. I made a few New Year's resolutions and this year instead of forgetting about them in February, I really am trying to accomplish them.



One goal was to eat less processed foods and go natural. I heard Michael Pollan on NPR (Yes, I am an NPR nerdy nerd) discussing his book Food Rules. Fascinating. I know he has written other books, but I am honestly not usually much of a nonfiction reader, and they are big, and I didn't think I would have the wherewithal to finish them. Food Rules is short, to the point and memorable. Some of my favorite food rules:

Rule #20 It's not food if it arrived through the window of your car.

Rule #36 Don't eat breakfast cereals that change the color of your milk.

Rule #39 Eat all the junk food you want as long as you cook it yourself.

Pollan differentiates real food from the processed crap we eat. He says there is food and then there is edible foodlike substances. It is amazing to me how our food industry has created this monster by trying to make food cheaper and addicting so we eat more of it. And perhaps because I am a teacher and deal with teenagers with lots of issues like ADD, OCD, ED, ODD, ADHD, BD, DBD, etc., I keep wondering if it may have a lot to do with our food. I know of people who are allergic to red food coloring. It doesn't give them hives, or stop their breathing, it changes the way they behave. Who is to say that all of the garbage we fill ourselves and our children with isn't causing emotional and behavioral problems.

And here is another little nugget of information that surprised me. Americans on average only spend 10% of their income on food, which is LESS than the citizens of any other nation. We spend our money on cheap quantity rather than quality.

That all said, the kids are now awake, I have piles of laundry to do, I have to go grocery shopping and a Sausage McGriddle washed down with a Diet Coke really sounds good about now!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Rambling Unsolicited Advice at Midnight, When I Really Should be in Bed Instead of Blogging

What is it with men and the need for them to give advice to women about exercise? I was at the park running with my friend tonight and while we were stopped for a moment to discuss our running strategy for the evening, some dad of a little leaguer walked by and said, "Don't just stop. You got to walk it off." Really? Who asked ya?

It reminded me of the days when I used to actually have time to go to the weightroom and the vertically challenged boys who were as wide as they were tall always had to come by and give me "pointers". Good grief. Go drink a protein shake and leave me alone. Do not expect me to bow before your enlightened exercise holiness. And just because I am a girl, doesn't mean I am an exercise retard. Oh and by the way, your neck may be as big around as my thigh, but it doesn't change the fact that you are only 4'8".

So, this is my unsolicited advice to men who can't refrain from giving unsolicited advice to me (and I would dare say most other women) while I am working out.

"Please just zip it and keep on walkin' by. While I am working out, I feel particularly kick assy (yes, that is the scientific term), and I am awfully tempted to kick you in the groin. Have a nice day!"

P.S. I ran 8 of the "1/2 mile loops" around the park, which I think is about 3 miles. Wa-hoo! And, yes, I know I am crappy at math, but I didn't add that up wrong. Apparently city planners either can't measure or they lie, CUZ I'm pretty sure I don't run a 9 min mile, which is the time it takes me to run 2 of the "1/2 mile loops."

Friday, February 26, 2010

The List , Dun Dun Dun. (Lower the pitch as you say each Dun, so it sounds ominous!)

My mom was and is a list maker. Each Saturday my brother and I each had our own dreaded LIST. It was a list of house cleaning chores that had to be completed before we could play. I swear the list took us until midnight to complete.

Now I wake each morning with a LIST in my head titled, "Things I am finally going to get done today". I never get it done. Usually I only get to about 2 things. My list just keeps getting longer. Today my list is especially long and I haven't even managed to put a shirt on yet.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Faux Moby Wrap

I made this for my Bro's Wife.




Drama Queen was my photographer. So the pictures may be a little blurry.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I Could Write a Book!

I have a hard time with stupidity. Stupid parents are the hardest for me to deal with. That was the hardest part of teaching, watching stupid parents do a crap job of raising their children, turning them into stupids too. And then the stupid children get pregnant at 15 and become stupid parents themselves.

A few days ago I was discussing a stupid parent with a friend. I went home and couldn't sleep. I fantacized about calling the mom up, "I know you don't know me, but you, my friend, are a moron"

So, to combat stupid parents everywhere I think I should write a book. I mean I am just as much an expert as the crazy Christian guy who wrote the Babywise books or some child psychotherapist who has only read about children in books, but doesn't actually have any of his own. (Does anyone know if that Ferber guy has kids?) ( And seriously "Ferberization"? It sounds like the process by which creepy animated animal toys hypnotize small children into doing some evil mastermind's bidding)

In my book I will include chapters on ground breaking parenting technics like "Lock Yourself in the Bathroom and Enjoy a Popsicle While your Kids Scream at the Door" and "Sick of you Kids Demanding your Attention? Why Don't you Pop in a Disney Movie?"

I have already started on the quick reference lists I will include in the appendixes. Here is a sample:

Appendex I : Fantastic Empty Threats.

"Get in here before I beat your butt off!"

"If you don't clean up this mess you are never watching TV again in your life!"

"Stay in your bed and go to sleep or I am going to tie you to it!"

Appendex II : Quick Motivators

Use bribes whenever possible. "If you get in the car without throwing a fit in the parking lot, we can go to QT and get you a 32 oz. slushy."

Repeat your requests at least 3 times in a row using screaming hysterical voice. "Move it! Move it! Move it!"

Shake your fist in a threatening manner.

I am positive that with the implementation of my scientifically proven* parenting technics, your kids will turn out self confident, well adjusted, and you can live a life minimally interrupted by their needs.

*The author of this book is not actually a scientist, but she did use the highly acclaimed scientific method on her own children. She learned this scientific method during her studies at Hazelton Elementary.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Update on the "tried and true"

I went to do another load of dishes. The citric acid made it clump up. Weird! It still did a nice job, but I had to break it up and shake it a bit. I am thinking maybe I will keep the citric acid separate and just add it when I start the washer.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Dish Voila--Quest for Cheap and Natural Dishwasher Detergent

I mentioned in my last post there would be more on natural cleaners. There are lots of recipes on line, but I didn't want to post anything until I had tried it and I liked it. So, after many loads of chalky dishes, I have solved the cheap and natural dishwasher detergent mystery.

My dishwasher has always left a chalky film on my dishes. Different detergents left varying degrees of chalky, but no matter how light the gritty film is on a glass, you still don't want to drink out of it. I tried Jet Dry, no bueno, no worko, mucho gritto. So, when I tried my natural concoction, no surprise, the dishes came out gritty.

Tuesday night, after I re-washed all of my glasses and silverware by hand, and kicked the dishwasher a few times, I decided to do a little research on-line. I realized my problem was not the detergent, but the hard water build up in the washer. The miracle product that is the rage on all the natural mommy blogs is Lemi-Shine, available at Target and The Store That Must Not Be Named.

Really I think it is just citric acid, but it really does work like a miracle. You put it in the detergent cup, run your dishwasher empty for about 5-10 minutes, stop the dishwasher and leave the water in it overnight, and then finish the cycle in the morning.

I did my first load of dishes in my clean dishwasher with my homemade detergent last night and they came out clean and slick, no grit!

So here is the recipe for homemade dishwasher detergent that works!

1 cup baking soda

1 cup borax

2 packets of Lemonade Koolaid mix.
(you know the kind that doesn't have the sugar.
It is just citric acid with a little artificial flavoring)


Put 1 TBS in the pre-wash cup and 1 TBS in the wash cup.

Use White Vinegar instead of Jet Dry.