"The Hap Hap Happiest Christmas . . ."

Fair warning - This post contains explicatives. One is in a quote from a movie which you have all watched and laughed at, so try not to get your panties in a bunch. Others, well, they are just me and most of you know when I am frustrated, mad, surprised, happy, sad, or just being me, I swear. If you are going to be offended, don't read and please don't judge. I come from a long line of cursers. It is a skill that has been passed down through the generations, and I'd like to think I am rather good at it.




Holidays are both wonderful and craptacular. Maybe that is why we love them so much. In the book The Count of Monte Cristo there is a quote near the end that says something about how in order to experience ultimate joy, we have to have experienced ultimate pain. Christmas day is wonderful because all the preparation before hand is complete hell.

I hope you all don't read this and think I am a total blubbering idiot. I am just ticked off at the moment. Tonight it just seems like the proverbial shit has hit the proverbial fan. Just let me spew it all out and in a few minutes I will be fine.

I am stressed. We are leaving in 2 days and I have mountains of sewing and packing and wrapping to do. (Yet I am blogging instead, huh?)

I am sad. My Grandfather is knocking on Death's door and I don't know if I am going to make it in time to see him and I don't know if I want to see him like that and why does he have to die during Christmas? Everytime I look up on my shelf at the annoying saxaphone playing reindeer he gave my kids last Christmas, I have to cry a little bit.

I am frustrated. I was lured by the $5.99 haircut coupon I recieved in the mail and got a haircut at Shit Clips or Pooper Cuts or whatever crappy salon it was. The cut is nothing like the picture I took in. I look like a moron.

I am pissed. The powers that be at my hubby's work just informed him that his schedule is changing and his days off will now be Fri/Sat instead of Sun/Mon. So, that means I have to go to the first part of church with 3 kids all by myself. Shit balls!

So to sum it up, in the words of Clark Griswold,

"Hallelujah, Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?"

Whew! Now I feel a little better. Thanks for letting me vent!

Road Work Ahead. Expect Delays!

If the road to Hell really is paved with good intentions, my personal highway to Hell is getting resurfaced this month. By January it will be a nice smooth black with crisp new lines and there may even be a new lane.

After Christmas last year I decided I was going to make gifts for the next Christmas. Mad dash, last minute, purchasing of gifts at Target just isn't the way I like to do Christmas. It just doesn't seem like the true Christmas spirit. Of course with commercialism and all the hoopla maybe today's Christmas spirit is smashed in a cutesy gift envelope along with a gift card from your favorite big box store.

Anyway, I like making things. I like thinking about the person and trying to make something just for them. I imagine the receiver of the gift may pull off the wrapping paper and think, "Why can't she just do gift cards like everybody else? What am I supposed to do with this?" but I hope they begrudgingly use the gift and then realize they always needed a crocheted cover for the handle of their toilet brush, they just didn't know it.

So, the plan was to start in January and make at least a gift a month until I was done. I started the first gift in January and I finished it in October. One down! About the middle of last month I had the, "Holy Crap!" moment and began frantically sewing. Many yards of fabric and about 3 spools of thread later I am seven down and two to go. Unfortunately, one of those is a puppet theater for Drama Queen. Good thing my mom has a good sewing machine at her house, because we leave on Saturday and there isn't a Zhu Zhu Pet's chance in Wal-mart I am going to get it done before then.

And by Hell, I am not going to go through this frantic sewing thing again. It's just too stressful. Next year I will be on top of it! I am going to start in January and make a gift a month.

Oh no, I'm that person.

First a little confession. I really like the new sit-com Cougar Town. I was telling the Hubby how much I like it and that is was just my kind of humor.

He replied, "So it is just a bunch of people standing around making fun of each other?"

Crap! What does that say about me?