Joys of Motherhood

Top 10 things I love about being Mom.

10. Tension headaches!
9. Waking early every morning to gigantic, stinky, poopy diaper.
8. The mom stutter. "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" or "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"
7. Cheerios on the floor, in my purse, in the car, in my bed, in the couch, . . . you get the idea.
8. Kate screaming from the bathroom, "I'm done!"
7. Permanent black marker all over the legs of our new table. (I swear we didn't even own a permanent black marker. Where the hell did he find that!?!"
6. Milk art on the carpet created with a drippy bottle.
5. When I forget I am in public and yell at the kid in my demon voice. Everyone stares at me with the "Wo, she's a psycho mom" look and then they give the children a look of pity.
4. Having to clean the stashed sippy or bottle now containing some sort of cheese rather than milk.
3. Needing to mop the kitchen floor everyday. (Needing to, not actually doing)
2. Kate telling everyone in line at the grocery store that I am an idiot. (I made a mistake filling out a deposit slip at the bank and said to the bank teller, "Sorry I'm an idiot." Kate won't let me forget it. She tells everyone!)
1. Jonas using my nipples as a hand hold for pulling himself up onto my lap.

Worst Calling Ever!

Please Heavenly Father, never ask me to be a nursery leader! I will say, "Noooooo."

10-15 18 mo. - 2 year olds, bawling, stinking, snotting. Shut in one room for 2 hours. After church is over and I pick up Jonas (who of course is sweet smelling, smiling, and clean) the room is warm, moist and smells like pee.

Baseball Hotty

Okay, let's face it, the only thing I find interesting about watching baseball is the players. Apparently the player that has the largest female following on the Indians team is this fellow.

His name is Grady Sizemore and here is the picture I took of his backside wishing I had a camera with a better zoom.

Homesick

Last night I dreamed of Logan. It was Spring. Everything was green and wet.

Surprise!

So, yup folks, I am preggalicious, with child, in a family way, knocked up or got a bun in the oven, which ever euphemism you prefer. I have not wanted to tell people because of the huge amount of words I now have to eat. All those things I have said like, "Geeze! 2 years apart might have been a little too soon, I am waiting for at least another year." and "I am NOT ready to have another one." and "I think I will wait until Jonas is potty trained, then I won't have two in diapers" and "Eegads, I want to loose like 100 lbs. before I get pregnant again."

I have decided to come clean and spill the beans because my mom is dying to tell everyone and I think I am finally coming to terms with the situation. I admit I wasn't happy with the happy news. All my plans to loose weight, get in shape and run the Disneyland 1/2 marathon went in the garbage along with the double pink lined pee stick.

But now, I think I am okay with all of this. I am realizing if I want my kids to be better friends they probably need to be closer than 4 years apart. 2 1/2 years really is good spacing for them, even if it doesn't seem like it is for me. I also believe things like this usually happen for a reason. There is divine design in all our lives. Sometimes I wonder if I ever really would have been ready to have number 3. Maybe this is God's way of keeping things moving in the right direction, or maybe he just enjoys a good laugh now and then.

The Grass Man's Backyard

Yes my friends, that is outdoor carpet.

In all fairness I am the one that asked him to put it down. I was hoping it would help keep some of the sand out of my kitchen. Alas, Jonas brings it in by the handful.

Church, Our Weekly Dose of Torture

It begins before we even step foot inside the church. I really thought this morning we would be in good shape because I was up, kids were fed and getting in the tub at 10. Church is at 11:30 so we had 1 hour and 20 minutes to get it together.

John is awake and we were on a roll. Shrieks from the bathtub pierce my ears. "Jonas! Stop beating your sister with the mermaid Barbie!" "Kate! You have to let him have some of the toys. You can't hog all 75 tub toys!" Putting on make-up, getting hit in the leg by a flying yellow duck, we still aren't doing so bad. John baths the kids and I get my hair done.

Kate's turn to get dressed. "I want to wear my purple Daphne shoes."

"No!

Whiny, "But why? I want to!" Cry, cry, whine whine.

"They don't match, they are dirty and they stink! Put your church shoes on!"

"I want da. . . "

"I don't care, put these on before I kick your Daphne hiney!"

It is 11:20. Kids both ready, Mom ready, church bag weighing approx. 500 lbs almost ready. Walk into kitchen. Hubby eating breakfast, shirt on, pants on, no socks, no tie, no shoes, no shave. What?!? Wife explodes.

Go put kids in car while hubby finishes getting ready. Jonas turns into an unbendable, kicking, grunting octopus as I try to shove him in the car seat and get him buckled. Kate climbs all over the car, anywhere but her seat. "Get in your car seat and buckle yourself this instant!!!!" My eyes squinty. Is that a smoke starting to curl from my ears?

Arrive at church in time for sacrament. In our world that is on time, but we have to sit in the cultural hall, so far back we are up against the stage. I can barely make out the pulpit from this distance.

Jonas starts to run away. I grab onto his arm to prevent him from escaping. He is okay with this for a little while then he begins to lean. If I let go he will crash to the ground, smack his head and begin screaming so I let him down to the floor gently. He gets up, I grab his arm again. Soon he realizes that while he is still lying on the ground he can scoot away from me. Then when he stands up he will be out of my reach and can run like lighting.

This entire time Kate is trying to climb in my lap, play with my jewelry, rub my hair, grind her sharp chin into my sternum, and make me read to her.

I give up. I take Jonas out where I have to chase him in the halls and keep him from running back into the chapel.

A few minutes later, John joins me with Kate.

Finally Sacrament meeting is over. Hooray for Primary! After we drop the kids off we look in each others haggard faces. "So, how about we just leave the kids and go to Sonic instead of Gospel Doctrine. I need a Diet Coke!" I suggest. We seriously consider it and then drag ourselves back into the chapel.

Don't remember much about the GD lesson I was still decompressing..

The relief society lesson was on being reverent and keeping the proper spirit during Sacrament meeting. One of the quotes in the lesson honestly said something about it being better to sleep during the meeting than to read the Ensign because the sound of turning pages might disrupt those around you. Umm Yeah right! Like you can hear magazine pages turning over the sounds of all the families just like mine barely keeping it together.

And why do we keep going? Because Kate learned about Daniel and the Lion's Den and about how Jesus is magic. And geeze life would be difficult without faith, eternal families, a loving God and Savior.