A few things that probably should have been said to people's faces, but in my usual avoid confrontation way didn't get said and are now eating at me

I am tired of all the wailing and gnashing of teeth over socialized medicine. Um, last I heard that wasn't the plan being tossed around. Do you honestly think all those happy little argumentative Washington people would sign off on socialized medicine? No way, the insurance companies are lining far too many of their pockets. I just wish all you soap boxers and doom and gloomers would stop being so negative and quit posting your propaganda all over the web, cuz guess what, we need health care reform.

Have you ever not been able to take your kid to the doctor because you couldn't afford it? When we didn't have insurance, I didn't have the opportunity to wait in line like a Canadian to get care for my kid. I just didn't get care.

Or how about this little fantastic episode. A few months ago my 1 year old son had a frightening case of croup. When he tried to inhale he was pulling so hard that not only the little soft spot in his neck sucked in, but his entire stomach caved in. I could see his rib cage with every breath. I took him to the all night instacare and the receptionist honestly said, "He doesn't have a fever? Do you know how expensive a visit here is?" The kid could barely breath and they were trying to turn me away! I told them I had insurance and suddenly it was okay for me to be there. While we were getting treated, the nurse said she had never seen a kid struggling that much to breath. I have to wonder what happens to the equally terrified mom who comes in and doesn't have insurance.

I know people whose medications cost them half their monthly salary. I know people who have been turned away from insurance companies or can only get extremely high priced plans because they have a pre-existing condition. Those of you whose insurance is happily covered by your work, do you know how much insurance costs if you are self employed or if your job doesn't cover it? At one point we paid almost $300 a month just to add Kate onto my plan since my job only covered me. $300 when my job was already paying equal to that for me, so, close to $600 a month?!? There has got to be something better than this! I just pray that by the time they sign off on a plan that makes everyone happy, it actually makes things better! If not, maybe I will move to Canada and see just how bad socialized medicine is first hand.

Someday. . .

. . . I won't have to pack a 50 lb. "mom bag" everywhere I go.

. . . I will be able to take a long luxurious shower without worrying that someone will chop his/her finger off while I am in the bathroom.

. . . I will be able to poop in peace.

. . . I will not have to mow the lawn because the boys will be old enough to do it.

. . . I will be able to go to the grocery store alone.

. . . I will have enough money to remove some of my excess boobage and pick them up off my belly button.

. . . my house will stay clean for longer than 1.5 seconds.

. . . every statement or question directed at me won't begin with the words, "Um Mom"

. . . I won't have to deal with so much poop. (I mean that literally, not figuratively. One always has to deal with the figurative kind.)

. . . I will be able to sit down to a nice family dinner where everyone uses utensils and no one rubs food in their hair.

. . . I will not have to share every morsel of food I have.

. . . I will be able to have nice cold drink without someone putting their slimy hands in it and stealing my ice.

Metamorphosis

I am afraid I may be morphing into Mama Fratelli. I can feel my face scrunching into a permanent scowl. Everything I say comes out in a growl and includes a threat.

I often find myself shoving the kids out of my bedroom door, slamming it shut and, in a very Mama-esque way, leaning my weary frumpy body against the door, heaving an exasperated sigh and grumbling, "Kids Suck."

It is probably a good thing we don't own a blender.

Apparently I'm not the only mother that has gone through this transformation. Bill Cosby's wife had the same problem.

Discussions with the 4 Year Old

Me: Kate! Don't jump on the couch!

Kate: Why?

Me: Because you will break the couch!

Kate: And then what?

Me: Then we won't have a couch to sit on!

Kate: And then what?

Me: Then you will stand in the corner!

Kate: And then what?

Me: Then you will lose a movie!

Kate: And then what?

Me: Then I will beat your butt!

Kate: And then what?

What Happens at the Splash Park, Stays and the Splash Park

I love splash parks! They are the greatest invention. Swimming without worrying about drowning. Awesome!

Something I have noticed about splash parks in my daily trips.

The kids love them too. More precisely they love the jets that shoot from the ground.

Where there is a jet, there is a little one squatting or sitting on it and an embarrassed mom gently trying to shoo them off without drawing attention to herself.

The kids line up, waiting their turn for a jet squat. My darling little Jonas is a jet hog. He doesn't let anyone else have a turn. Apparently he has discovered that a nice powerful stream of cool water feels good on the junk. I am the embarrassed parent who gave up on shooing him off and just sits on the bench mortified, yet trying not to snicker.

Repeated Conversation with a Crazy Pregnant Lady over a 12 Hour Car Trip

Katrina: Did you turn the AC off again?!?

John: Sheepish look

Katrina: If you touch the AC again I am going to break your finger off!

John: Shivering uncontrollably But it is freeeeeezing.

Katrina: Smiling sweetly Better frozen than minus digits.

If Only I Were as Funny

I read "The Toddler Contract" in a parenting magazine at my sis-n-law's house.

These are the highlights:

I. Food

5. For dinner I will have macaroni and cheese. Any attempts to give me vegetables in addition to the macaroni and cheese will result in tears.

a. And don't you dare hide anything in the cheese sauce, because, my God, how you will rue the day.

II. Television

1. The TV will be on all the time unless I say differently. You are to sit by my side, quietly, hands folded in lap, while I watch my shows.

a. You may arise to fetch me a snack.

III. Toys.

1. There will be many.

a. They will always be strewn about the house so that I amay simply reach down and pick up a toy, no matter where I am.

b. They will be loud, complicated, and contain many small pieces. I enjoy shooting noises that go w-shoooooop! or zim zim zim.

c. Nothing that results in any type of learning, please.

Thank you Parenting magazine writer, Alice Bradley, where ever you may be, for giving me a little chuckle.